Untitled

I was struggling over a name for this blog for a bit, decided to give up and go the tortured-artist route with "untitled" :P.

iT was SurprisingLy cold YestErday. I was at a wedding in York when I realized that it was about 1ºC outside. Cold enough to stop the heart, even at a wedding.

For all the fervour around weddings, I... I'm not a fan of them. They depress me surprisingly much. I think it's the number of couples I see at a wedding; it's depressing to think that so many people have found someone and I haven't, blah blah blah. I know how formulaic this sounds, but every time I walk into a wedding reception, I get a familiar feeling of tightness around the brain, like someone's squeezing my mind into a head a size too small. I don't know what brings it on, but I venture it's the number of people around me. I have never actually found good conversation at a wedding. Maybe once or twice, but I've never really found anyone entertaining to talk to, despite myself starting conversations and trying to entertain. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't put too much emphasis on that.

Why is it, then, really, that weddings seem to depress some people? Is it the love in the air? I think it's a reminder of things we don't have... yet. At least, I know that's what it is for me - A remembrance of things yet to come, to paraphrase Proust. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to bother with weddings, but that's the antisocial part of me coming to the fore. I'm sure they're entertaining, but other than my best friend's and perhaps my sister's, I haven't really been to a wedding I enjoyed. It's a shame, too.

I think it all comes down to, I wish I had my shit together as these people do. I wish I was in control of my life. There are a thousand arguments around that, so I won't get into it today, but I will just say that. And that's all I'll say for now.

Peace,

K